As if the general vagaries of life aren’t enough, and a brief stint in chemotherapy hasn’t been a joy, I now get to deal with the side effects of a whack immune system. Back in July I remember saying to my friend, “The fucking insurance company decided I no longer need treatment. I guess permanent joint pain and paralysis isn’t a concern for them. The only thing that could put the cherry on this whole miserable cake is a festering case of MRSA.”
I really should learn to keep my fucking mouth shut. Guess what I have? Yeah. Like I always say, “This just keeps getting better and better.”
Sexy, sexy. Don’t you wish you had one just like this? Fuck shaving, I think I’m going to concentrate on avoiding gangrene.
Unfortunately, it’s not just on my leg. And you people all wonder why I never show any pictures of myself. I can’t live with the fear and pain I would inflict on the general public. MRSA can actually maim and kill if left untreated, and knowing this, UHC (my shitty fucking insurance) decided that it just wasn’t going to pay for the high-grade antibiotic needed to kill the infection. So, my doctor prescribed Cipro. I can get Cipro at the Wal Mart for $4 as opposed to the $200 needed for the other antibiotic (you know, the one that might actually work).
But I didn’t come here today to be a little Debbie Downer. Nope. I am writing today to point out that there’s a serious problem going on in America, or possibly only in Oakland, CA. The problem is people just aren’t having enough sex. I know that sounds incredible, but just hear me out. I have evidence. See, while waiting for the pharmacist to learn how to count to 20 so she could put the pills in a bottle, I had a chance to peruse the clearance section in the pharmacy. The items in there amazed and stunned me, as they will you.
Anybody want some discount lube? How about some condoms? Look, those fundamentalist idiots are wrong; you need to wrap it up every time. Anyone? Anyone?
Wet is actually decent lubricant. Now, I have to admit the newer formula is better, but hey, cheap lube. Who can’t use that? The only reason you couldn’t unload lube and condoms is if people aren’t having sex (or masturbating. Look I don’t judge and neither should you. When you masturbate you’re always having sex with someone you love). Anyway, that’s the not the only thing on clearance at the Wal Mart pharmacy.
Okay, this I can understand a bit better. When I think of vibrator shopping, Wal Mart is NOT the first name that comes to mind. That being said, I can’t wait to see the new line of Wal Mart dominatrix wear.
So, maybe there’s no demand for vibrators among the Wal Mart crowd. I’d like to think that people are just holding out until they can get to a proper sex shop with some heavy duty, diesel fuel powered equipment. It could be that this particular item didn’t sell because the typical Wal Mart customer probably searched for it in the hardware section and didn’t find it. It’s hard to tell. One thing that isn’t a mystery to me is the presence of this little item in the clearance pile:
Nothing screams romance like your genitals on fire. Isn’t burning in your genital region a sign that something is seriously, majorly, ickily wrong? I think I’ll pass on that too.
I learn something new every day. Most of the time, it’s stuff that I really didn’t want to know. I learned that the good folks at Wal Mart don’t like me getting creative with their discount sex toy display. I’m only trying to help. Maybe craigslist.org should start running adult services ads again, that way we can all find a use for those discount condoms. Hey, fuck if you got ‘em. The bad part is nobody really needs them. And that brings me to the last item on clearance. If you’re not having sex, you certainly don’t need one of these.
Well, at least that’s a load off my mind.