I noticed a strange and slightly amusing trend when I went back east for a pseudo vacation. It was the phenomenon of the incredible shrinking pet. As you may know, I recently attended a county fair and encountered about as many mini horses, rabbits, dogs and pigs as I did flies and exceedingly loud tantrums.
Somebody get the magnifying glass. I think there might actually be two horses in this picture.
I know that the few of us who can afford to keep our pets pretty much have to downsize to a model or models that eat less, take up less space and fit into that “under 10 lbs.” restriction on most leases. Hey, I’m all up for a pet that takes up less space, but there are some extremes. Take this one for example:
Is it me, or does this thing look possessed?
That’s a little too small. Look, why not just get a hamster and teach it how to blow an annoying horn non-stop for 6 hours at a stretch? Seriously, the only “new” variety of Yorkie I’m going to buy is the one with a mute button.
Isn’t it just adorable? Yeah, I didn’t think so. Anyway, in a world where people really believe that bigger is, in point of fact, better, we have those who would downsize. We have mini horses, mini pigs, mini dogs and pygmy hedgehogs.
Oh, they’re adorable too, right up to the point where they latch onto a finger and won’t let go. And don’t even think about giving it a healthy yank, it’ll puff up those spines to add insult to injury.
I grew up in farm country, and it never ceases to amaze me how little most people know about livestock. The person who rushes out to buy a pot-bellied pig to keep in their apartment because it’s just so cute would drive off a cliff to avoid the stench wafting off the average hog farm. After all, the pot-bellied pig is so damn cute and those market hogs are just plain huge, dirty and smelly.
Did that breeder fail to mention that those things don’t stay little and cute forever? Yeah, it’s all fun and games until it reaches 200 pounds and you realize its shit is just as nasty as that from a market hog.
A pig is a pig is a pig. There are no two ways about this. Anyone who tries to tell you how clean, smart and wonderful those things are has obviously never lived on the farm. I’m not joking about this, people. A little more real world experience and a little less Charlotte’s Web and Disney never hurts. Oh well, I just lived on a farm, who am I to disrupt anyone’s delusions? Hell, have the pig in your living room. Try to miniaturize and tame tigers. Get a seeing eye horse for that matter, I’m sure it doesn’t shit nearly as much as one of the bigger models.
You do know I was just joking about that shit, right? Gee, I wonder how a landlord handles a pile of horse shit in the middle of a Manhattan apartment? I’m sure it’s completely housebroken, although I wouldn’t anticipate getting that cleaning deposit back.
Let’s be honest, some pets can get away with being small. The humans involved just have to keep things in perspective.
Dude, seriously? That’s a mini horse and you are a Jabba the Hut sized passenger. Get your fat ass out of the cart before you give that poor thing a heart attack.
I can’t say much more. After all, as an avid Shih-tzu fan and owner, I’m throwing a boulder at the glass house. At least I’m not trying to move farm animals into the house regardless of their size. Keep in mind when choosing a pet that it’s all fun and games until somebody has to pay for the Rug Doctor.
At least it wasn’t in the house this time. Anybody have a plastic bag to pick that up with?