I’m back after a long hiatus, and it’s that magical time when I wonder why I ever came back. I’m on Facebook, and every time I log in, like clockwork, a list of all friends available for chat appears on the screen. I don’t have a problem with the list, it’s just that some times I have a problem with who is on that list.
Now, before I hear all kinds of crap about why I hate my friends and why don’t I just dump them and/or get the hell off Facebook, let me explain. You know that family member, high-maintenance friend or neighbor you like, but just don’t feel like talking to? Well, they pepper that friends list too. You know, the person knocks on the door, and even though you’ve been in the living room watching television for the past three hours, you quickly hit the mute button, turn off the lights and slide down on the couch so your head isn’t visible. It’s not that you hate that person, you just don’t feel like talking to them at the moment.
Yes, this happens in virtual reality too. You know, I have some people that it’s nice to talk every once in a while, but I don’t care about the intimate details of their personal lives 24/7/365. Some people I have to be in the mood to talk to. Others haven’t talked to me in so long their assumptions about who I am and what my life is about really, really, REALLY don’t apply anymore. Yet, here the person is, talking to me like we’re still in seventh grade and I really give a shit about who they gossip to in study hall about so and so’s boyfriend. There’s really no polite way to say, “You know, I really couldn’t give a shit, and if your life is so damn small you’re still acting like you’re in that small town high school, I feel sorry for you.” Nope. There’s no polite way to handle that.
Then there’s the worst: the chat box equivalent of the drunk dialer. I have a couple of those on my list, and the only interest I have in talking to them is to hear what kind of off the wall, completely unrelated to reality bullshit they have the sudden urge to queef out as though it was deep philosophy. Here’s an example:
“Hey, do you remember when we used to be in that study hall, Jane Doe? Remember? It’s like when there were people smoking outside the school but there were leg warmers there as well.”
Now, if you’re saying, “What the fuck?” Imagine how I feel. I think I mentioned something about not getting my car fixed and this was the response I got. “WTF?” doesn’t even cover my bewilderment. To this day, neither one of us knows what the hell she was talking about.
Nowadays I find myself logged off or invisible more often. It’s the equivalent of turning off the lights and TV and hoping they don’t see me through the window. Strange as this may sound, some days I don’t feel like talking to anyone. Other days I see people I might want to talk with, but I log off anyway because I don’t want to deal with the others. I’m sure I’m that annoying person to others. Thankfully, nobody has brought it up. However, it always hangs there in front of me before I even open a chat window. Am I that idiot nobody feels like talking to? I don’t know, but it always gives me pause for thought.
I’m not a big CaCa fan, but I think this one applies here. Hopefully I’ll stay off chat, get off my ass, stay out of the fucking doctor’s office and get more work done around here. In the mean time, enjoy the gratuitous T&A. I know you do, you know you do and I know that you know. Now, hang up that phone because nobody wants to hear that shit.