I’m in the middle of an epic battle that will bring sweeping changes to civilization, or at the very least, my kitchen table.
My stack of bills looks exactly like this, as does yours.
No kidding, it looks exactly like that. Know why? Because insurance companies are fucking trolls. You will never run into a more brilliant display of stupidity, jackassery, douchebaggery and wasteful, thoughtless fuckery than you would at the average insurance company. These are the people to whom you send money in the off chance you get sick and need medical attention. They gladly take your money, and in return, decide that no matter how much you give them, you may not ever get paid for a claim. Since when has that been legal or ethical?
UHC can decide at any point in time that they will not pay your claim. It doesn’t matter if you were never late with a payment, if you never filed a claim before or even if you get prior approval from them to get the treatment you need. They don’t care. They don’t have to care. After all, it’s not their life, health or child, so why should they? Let me state this one more time: I can’t even get coverage on a pre-approved procedure. This is a procedure that was approved by them. Not me. Them. They approved it. Now, for whatever reason, they won’t cover it. WTF?
Don’t ever try to appeal a decision made by your insurance company. It won’t work, and most of us can’t afford the lawyers needed to make it work. Besides, this is the guy who runs the appeals board:
I'm sure he's very understanding. Picture of compassion, really.
I’m sure he’s a swell guy who loves his children. He’s a nice man who only drinks soda pop and never kicks his dog. However, if you encounter him on the appeals board, he will have no choice but to deny your claim and threaten to sue you ($117 billion in profit a year is a pittance, really, they need the cash) because you just won’t shut up, accept the decision and go away. Nope, you have no luck there. You can’t go to the state, the anti-regulation hysterics have bound their hands and there’s nothing they can do. Nope, looks like you’re now shit out of luck. Maybe you could try the public clinic.
Uhhh...okay, maybe death really is an option.
So, if you’re like me, you get shunted into the “high-risk” group. We pose quite the sticky wicket to the insurance industry. See, we don’t make enough money for any insurance company to cover us, we don’t qualify for Medicare, and there simply aren’t enough healthy people to prop the rest of us up. It sucks being high risk because you just don’t get the quality care others get.
It only looks scary. I'm sure it's perfectly modern inside.
I don’t hold it against them. We sickos deserve no better. After all, who the hell do we think we are burdening the system like that? We should all just go back to the damn TB ward we crawled out of and stop bothering the “productive” citizens with our need to live just long enough to get our kids out of high school. We are a bunch of selfish, insensitive pricks to be sure. I guess I can try one more chance at appeal. I have to say, I find standing outside this office more than a tad intimidating.
I'm sure everything's going to be okay. I'll take it one baby step at a time.
No luck. I guess I don’t get treatment this time either. Now, I know some of you are saying, “What is your problem? I don’t have any problems with my insurance company. I never had a claim rejected or had any problems getting coverage.” My response to this is generally: Then you never had to use it. Or, you used it for something so basic and mundane that there was never an issue. Or, you have VA, Medicare or some other filthy, commie form of socialized medicine. Well, I don’t. I have to struggle with a company I have handed thousands of dollars to over the years just to get a $100 lab bill paid. Even then they still won’t pay it. They can promise to pay it, but still won’t pay it. Now, you cheerleaders for the insurance companies go away and come back and talk to me after you’ve had to have chemotherapy, or major surgery or even an alternative drug for your condition because you were allergic to every other one you tried already.
Come and talk to me after you’ve met the head of the appeals board. I guarantee you, you won’t be so happy with them then. But if you think that’s bad, wait until you see the alternative treatment they actually decided to provide coverage for. Good luck.
Don't worry, this won't hurt a bit.