I want you to look at this fucking shit. American journalists have no balls and no propensity to report the facts. Good thing the Cold War ended and the Russians have come to our rescue.
That’s from Russian TV, by the way. Rent-a-cops and BP officials chase American reporters from the affected areas and threaten to arrest them. American prisons look like resorts compared to the gulag, and the Russians responded accordingly. This is just a diversion, I’m afraid. What I’m talking about is this:
Oh yes, I’m talking about the atrocity that the GOBP and right-wingers bitched about endlessly for days: the National Day of Prayer. Americans must recognize a national day of prayer, despite that whole separation of church and state thing outlined in its constitution. We must all stop and pray. It doesn’t matter if we pray to a can of Spam, we just need to spend the day in prayer and reflection. The result of this day of prayer is an abundance of miracles and prosperity for all. Don’t believe me? Look, prayer has ended Bush’s vanity wars with Iraq and Afghanistan:
Well, maybe not. I’m sure their families are completely fine with this after a few prayers. Who cares about the loss of a few thousand people? After all, it’s not the rich peoples’ kids, so it’s perfectly okay for them to die.
Prayer stopped the BP oil spill cold. Really, it did. Dipshit Palin told us it would. See? Everything’s fine now.
Ummm, well…maybe not. That duck is grateful, actually. Jesus granted his prayer for a free bath courtesy of a rescue organization.
The BP oil spill dragged on for months and an estimated total of 5 million barrels of oil now pollute waters and shores around the Gulf of Mexico. Our space program ends with a whimper this fall. There’s no cure for cancer, and people are trying to pray away Swine Flu rather than get a vaccine proven to prevent it. We can’t teach American kids evolution, hard science or math because it offends peoples’ religious sensibilities. At the same time we wonder why every one else in the world consider Americans world-class dullards and painfully backward idiots. Maybe it’s because we are. Here’s a thought. What if, and I’m just throwing this out here, instead of having a National Day of Prayer, we have a National Day of Science?
Science is fun.
What? You don’t like science? All scientists are insane? Atheists are godless, sinful people without morals or values? I would laugh, but you’d interpret that as insane Frankenstein laughter. Instead, I’ll let you watch this:
That’s a car powered by Diet Coke and Mentos candies. Scientists test out the strangest things. Here they’re testing the true power of the Diet Coke + Mentos combination. The car won’t win a NASCAR race any time soon, but you have to admit it’s pretty cool. Unlike the “ordinary” people, scientists don’t pray for solutions. We FIND THEM. How do they know to use Diet Coke and MINT flavored Mentos specifically? Well, they use something we call the “Scientific Method.”
Sorry about the rainbow colors. I know you religious types are completely uptight and unreasonable about certain *ahem* things.
These guys found the right combination through experimentation. If the truth must be told, any soda + MINT mentos = massive CO2 expulsion. It’s just that Diet Coke works better. Why? Aspartame + nucleated candy = explosion. You just have to have the patience to work through the problem. I know you don’t believe me, as you shouldn’t. But, in absence of performing your own experiments, take these guys’ word for it:
If you want to know what’s going on from beginning to end, using the Scientific Method:
The point of all of this is that solving problems involves time, thought, creativity and insight. Everything that happens around us follows distinct laws of physics and chemistry. I wish I could leave some room for “Oogie Boogie” reasoning or myth. The sad fact is; there’s not. Sometimes life is just that simple.
Jesus, Allah, Buddha, Yahweh, Apollo, Odin, et. al., are NOT here to solve our problems for us. The BP oil spill, proliferation of AIDS, widespread hunger, spread of invasive species, wholesale rape and destruction of the environment are created by humans. It’s now up to us to solve it. We won’t do it by praying and hoping for a solution. We CAN solve it by scientists, inventors and engineers developing solutions. To this end I say we really, really, REALLY need a National Day of Science.
If we had a National Day of Science, maybe they would have stopped the oil leak sooner, or better yet, had it never happen at all. Maybe we would have 80% efficient solar power generators by now. If Americans were enthusiastic about science, we could have a cure for Cancer. If Americans liked science and math, we’d have that whole long-distance space travel problem licked. We could have a practical solution to global warming, possibly even a method for restoring damaged ecosystems. Hell, we could solve the whole problem of why there’s 12 hot dogs in a pack and only 8 buns in a pack. The world could be our mollusk.
See, living proof that something good can come from a piece of irritating shit.
I want a National Day of Science. We need a National Day of Science. Superstition hasn’t solved any of our problems or changed the system so far. The world hasn’t become a more peaceful, productive and compassionate place after all that praying. I’m not saying to give up, but I am saying we need a different approach.
Holy Christ! You mean that prayer hasn't solved all our problems?
I’m not being unpatriotic, but like most scientists, I’m always willing to change my approach to any subject. Things could be much better. Hopefully, they won’t get much worse. (Click that last sentence to see just how far the rabbit hole really goes.)
What did the good, religious leaders in Congress say recently? Oh yeah, don’t help those poor bitches, they’re lazy fuckers enjoying life on the public doll and breeding like roaches to make more lazy fuckers. I hope they fucking starve, that’ll teach ‘em.
You just keep praying and let them starve. I just hope you’re praying your God has mercy on your souls.