I wandered into the bathroom room yesterday morning to find another fine crop of mushrooms growing on my floor. Okay, so I don’t know if they’re exactly mushrooms, but they’re a fungus of some sort. They sprout up between my baseboard and tile floor. This isn’t just a rainy season thing, it happens all the time. See, my bathroom is conveniently located in a swamp. Something leaks, and every day I experience the joy wading through two inches of water to get to the toilet. Now, I know what you’re thinking. If I heard this story, I’d think the same thing. Something along the lines of, “Well, why don’t you shut up and fix that?” I would but for the fact that I’m not the actual owner of the swamp/bathroom. I technically am not in charge of any repairs or fungus colonies that show up, the landlord is. Too bad my landlord is less than enthusiastic about any sort of repairs or dealings that have to do with the property.
I live in what housing experts would call, “a total shithole.” I wish there was some way to sugar-coat this, but there isn’t. When I went on the walk-through for this fine piece of real estate, the landlord assured me that all repairs and finishing work would be done. I pointed out, with some trepidation, that I was supposed to get the keys in two weeks, and that didn’t seem to be enough time to paint the place, install the range hood, mount gutters, paint the outside, seal the showers, caulk the windows, do something about the two inch gap between the front door and the floor, landscape, install a dryer vent, replace the toilet seat that dumps you into the bowl when seated, and clean the place up. He apparently figured out the same thing, because by the time I moved in, he failed to do any of those things. By that time it was too late to try to get another place, and I didn’t have any other options. It’s not like I can do these things myself either. My experience with tools pretty much involves picking up a screwdriver, acknowledging that is a screwdriver, and putting it back in the toolbox. Now, I have mushrooms growing in the bathroom.
The shower leaks. I don’t know where from, but there’s always a gigantic puddle on the floor. We have a second bathroom, but there’s no caulking or sealant in that one. The landlord told me to, “Just go ahead and use it, it’ll be fine. I’m not worried about it.” Of course he’s not worried about it—he doesn’t have to live here. I’ll be the one stuck with the mold and rotting drywall. Oh well, at least it will match the moldy, peeling drywall around the windows where he failed to seal the window frames properly. To make matters worse is the toilet situation. The swamp bathroom has a toilet that is safe to use for all members of the family. The non-sealed bathroom has a wobbly toilet seat that tends to dump the user into the bowl during every sit-down job. Of course, I have to think about the convenience of this. I mean, maybe the landlord actually thought that if you can’t use the shower, you should at least have the option of a bracing and refreshing dip in the toilet before heading off to work. Then there’s the final insult: the mushrooms. It’s bad enough being afraid to plug anything in on the off chance that I might fry myself, I have to see fungus actually growing from my baseboards and floor. I’m not joking about this, but if I see a giant caterpillar sitting on one smoking a hookah, I’m going to move out and join AA immediately. I’ll live in a cardboard box instead, thank you very much.
My friends tell me to always look on the bright side, so I’m trying to do this. Since I can’t find a job (even though the media insists the economy is fan-freaking-tastic), I figure I’ll supplement my income by harvesting the mushrooms and selling them at the local farmers’ market. I’ll tell people they’re a variety of chanterelles or something. Better yet, I can make some real money by selling them as peyote or some other hallucinogen. I haven’t actually tried this to see if it works, but if it makes this shithole anymore livable or attractive, I think it could be worth shot. I’m picturing myself at my little tent now, “Try it, man, it’s totally the bomb. You like, see caterpillars smoking a hookah and shit.” Don’t they always say, “When life hands you lemons, make lemonade.”? Well, life handed me mushrooms, and it’s time to make the best of it.
Mushroom/Fungus/Alien Entity residing in my bathroom.
Tags: bad landlords, bathroom, hallucinogens, mushroom, real estate
lol okay so here’s how brainless I am, midway through reading through your post I dropped my computer mouse and shut the site in error and I couldn’t locate your webpage once again until 5 days later on to finish reading where I left off simply because I didn’t remember how I linked to your web site to begin with haha anyhow it was worth the hold out..thank you
Hollywood renter war, landlord vs Internet Marketer! Check my link!
well my friend lucky i own a mushroom book and you have Orange Cup Fungus its not poisonous so if your Satan of a landlord locks you in the bathroom you can live of the fungus “this has been Evan your guide to the world of facts”
Thank You. I have since moved from the house from hell, but it’s still a little weird looking down and seeing fungi of some sort growing from the floorboards. If only it was hallucinogenic, I could have supplemented the ol’ income.
Cool, thanks for blogging about this great stuff. I’m really enjoy reading your website.
Hahaha. too funny. glad someone knows what that ugly thing is…I found one in my bathroom hiding between the shower and toilet. Though im not sure if i believe its harmless…i SWEAR i saw it spout a fine mist at me when examining it with the flashlight. My house is a lovely pos too but by default…its 101 years old. Still i am not thrilled seeing a mushroom coming out of my wall either, i cant imagine a bunch of them. Regretably it has been there for a while it seems because when i moved the plunger to look at it there was a larger mushroom cap curled up and beginning to rot sitting on the floor. my guess is it was the first one, died fell off and a new one grew… GROSS! unfortunately it is my house so now i have the joy of seeking a solution. Glad ur out of ur mess. I hope things are getting better for you. Certainly made me laugh.
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My bathroom is also a victim to mushrooms growing, except mine grow in the corner of the room but from the ceiling. I’ve been reading alot of peoples comments and experiences regarding their problem but haven’t yet come across another case like mine. I’m not sure where the problem could be started from, unless its caused by the people who live above me but wouldn’t there be a leak of some sort. I’m compleatley baffled and untill i know the root cause i’ll just keep bleaching my ceiling every time they appear.
My guess is that it’s from a leak above you. I once lived in a ground floor apartment with shit plumbing that got clogged all the time. I had three floors’ worth of sink and sewer back up in my kitchen at least once a month.
Thanks, that picture is the EXACT same as the one that i am having problems with in my bathroom, hopefully my landlord will do something with the problem, but like yourself they prob wont do anything about it.
I have the exact same thing in my kids bathroom, except it is not in use,,,,only the shower. I have now found that yes, these wonderful little flowers are from any type of moisture…. I even have them growing on the outside of my home, no need to plant flowers, they came with the house, just add water, right???? oooh and if u havent noticed those wonderful little sewage / house flys, thats where they come from too. let me know how to get rid of them, thats all i want….
I was cleaning out my friends basement because she had, had a flood…. and as i started i found the same mushrooms everywhere along with three or four other types of mold…. so I stopped cleaning and we got a test kit…. collected some different molds and sent it in…. when it came back there was a typed note inside the kit that said if any of that mold is inhaled to see a doctor right away! so we did …. i was ok but my friend thats been sick was put in ICU right away and shes now been in there for three weeks… I had to call a pro to come and clean the basement… cost was in the 1,000′s and since she had her air running it pushed the mold through the whole house ….so everything in the house was contaminated with mold…I was just one big mess and is being cleaned up…. thanks for the pic…. i have been wandering what was up with the mushrooms and this is the first picture i have found… glad its not the deadly stuff and wished it was the only mold in that basement but we just didnt get that lucky!!!
I later found out when doing the clean up for check out, that the house had the fine, black-powder mold known as Stachybotrys in the cabinets, under loose tile, etc. That’s also a killer. I’m just glad to be out of that dump, but finding the mold finally made me stop wondering why I had “allergy” problems, headaches and mental fog the whole time I lived there.