I’m prone to migraines, and whenever I get one sounds, smells and light are amplified to the point of unbearable pain. But life goes on. So, I walked the dog, because headache or not, I’m renting and want to preserve the carpet. (She refuses to pee on the patio. Simply refuses and there is no bargaining about this.) We get back, I brush out her coat (a dire necessity after every walk when you own a frou-frou), and go to get the cookie bag. I opened it up…and nearly puked.
Gawd, why do all dog treats smell like ass? I’m serious about this. I can barely tolerate it on a normal day. On migraine days I think I’d rather go back to the stables and shovel shit. It probably smells slightly better. Every dog treat and chew reeks of the assalicious smell of ass. And to think we all wonder where dog breath comes from.
I think the worst offenders in the ass category have to be rawhide chews. I can think of no worse-smelling dog toy out there. Add a dash of dog saliva, and you get a smell that kicks your ass from the minute you walk in the front door. The stink is so powerful it can resist all attempts to banish it from the environment including Febreeze and Stanley Steamer.
Somebody once told me their dog was a fussy eater. She had to “cook” for the dog every night. WTF? No dog is a fussy eater. Seriously, what connoisseur licks its own ass for an hour? If she wanted the dog to eat, she should have put down the doggie cookbook and tried buying some ass-flavored dog food. I’m pretty sure that would be a big hit among dogs. It doesn’t even have to be the dog’s own ass, any ass will do.
If dog food manufacturers aren’t going to give us a warning about this, they at least owe us some truth in advertising. Think about this. Instead of presenting us with a box covered in pictures of dog ass and gas masks, we get to see this iconic image.
We could make more informed decisions if armed with better facts. For example, if manufacturers told the truth, we could skip over images of happy dogs and smiling owners. We could get right down to business picking the product that better suits the needs of us and our dogs.
Don’t worry about my little frou frou. She got her treat even though I shudder at the thought of opening up the bag. She also had a bacon rawhide bone that she’s working on at the moment. The rawhide is a fine combination of smoke and ass with a hint of dog spit. She just isn’t going for the mint bones. I might try Greenies, but at $45 per bone, it seems a little ridiculous. Maybe I should be like the cats and just take the hard line about this.